Whatever Turns you On
by LeDiz
Summary: Jounouchi considers Kaiba Corp. dairy products, Yami has sick, evil fun, and Yuugi is confused. It's all about health.


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#28 – Wada Calcium CD3

DISCLAIMER: In the words of all those who have surrendered to their sick minds before me: I am going to Hell for this. Subtle as it began, I am definitely going to hell for this…

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"There is just something fundamentally wrong about it."

"Mmhm."

"It's sick. Not just on the level of innuendo, which is just wrong on its own, but everything about it. The marketing, the fact it was ever produced, the fact anyone would actually buy it –"

"We get a discount on it."

"Fine, the fact that anyone _else _would buy it."

Yuugi finally looked up from his laptop, gazing at Jounouchi thoughtfully. He had shown up early in the morning—despite Yuugi's statement the day before that he would be stuck doing the game shop accounts all day—and was now exploring every inch of the kitchen. Not for food, strangely enough, but just looking around. Yuugi didn't really mind, but as Jounouchi had moved on to analysing the contents of the fridge, he felt he was probably within his rights to ask.

"What the hell, Jounouch-kun?"

"Hah?"

"I've seen you buy the same brand as I do," he pointed out. "You get the discount same as me. Why did you come over to my house to talk about _milk_?"

Jounouchi blinked, then picked up the milk carton and quickly moved to sit down at the table opposite Yuugi. He reached over to shove the laptop aside and slammed the carton down in front of him. "Kaiba Corporation… milk."

Yuugi blinked back at him, nonplussed. "Yes…?"

"Dude, how can that not freak you out?" he cried, pushing the carton closer so the KC logo was right in front of his face. "Kaiba's milk!"

Yuugi continued to stare at him. "He makes great ready-made brownies, too."

"G'yargh!"

He frowned, leaning over to look under the table, where Jounouchi had fallen and was currently curled up in a twitching ball. "What's the problem? Kaiba Corp.'s always made food. I mean yeah, it's kind of small compared to his tech and gaming companies, but –"

"It's not the food that freaks me out, Yuug'," he said insistently, staring at him. "It's that Kaiba—Seto Kaiba, teenage bastard that ruins our everyday lives by existing—makes us eat and drink his… products!"

Yuugi was still at a loss for why this bothered him so much, so he pushed back his chair to join Jounouchi under the table. "Jounouch-kun, Kaiba-kun owns half the country, why is this suddenly such a big deal?"

"Man, Yuugi, are you sure you're a guy?" he asked bluntly, only to wince at the flash of hurt that Yuugi quickly managed to hide. He sighed, leaning over his knees. "I mean, think about it. Kaiba's… products. Things that come from Kaiba."

"Uhh…?"

Jounouchi opened his mouth to answer, but the sound of a door slamming in the entrance hall cut him off. They both absently looked around as heavy, striding footsteps came toward them, and a pair of leather booted feet appeared in the doorway.

"Aibou, are you –?" Yami paused, his feet stepping back into the hallway as he leaned, before coming over to the table. "Could've sworn he was –"

"Under here, the other me!" called Yuugi, and the boots stepped back as Yami knelt down to peer under the table.

"Aibou? Jounouchi? What are you two doing?" he asked, staring at them.

"I don't really know," said Yuugi, frowning at Yami's shoes. "And you know Mum hates it when you don't wear house shoes over those."

Yami shrugged as he shifted under the table. He had always liked the pair of leather pants that continued on to become boots, and the fact he refused to wear slippers over them had started at least three of the thousand arguments Yuugi had wound up having with his mother over Yami.

"Jounouchi?"

"Kaiba's milk," he began. "Kaiba's cheese, his cream, all that stuff. Doesn't that freak you out?"

"No. We get a discount on it," Yami said blankly. "Ten percent off because of the publicity."

"He gives you ten? That bastard! I only get five!" he cried, and Yuugi glanced at Yami, silently pointing out he should steer clear of things like that.

Yami shrugged again, leaning his elbow on his knee. "Why would it bother me?"

"They're Kaiba's… products," he said meaningfully. Yuugi continued to blink, but recognition flared in Yami's eyes, and a small smirk spread over his lips.

"You know," he said calmly, glancing at Yuugi sideways, "he also markets a special vitamin drink that is supposed to help fight osteoporosis. Kind of like an egg white."

Jounouchi frowned at him, then paled, the muscles in his neck visibly contracting. "Oh, Yami, dude, no…!"

"Mm… comes in a long, hard tube," he continued, conversationally. "But if you squeeze the tube, the drink comes out and you've just gotta suck and swallow."

"Nyargh! Dude! Dude, no!" he cried, his hands slapping against his ears. "That's wrong!"

Yuugi furrowed his brow, staring from Yami to Jounouchi and back again. "What, you mean KC Osteoparalysis? Doesn't Mum buy that?"

"GAGH!" Jounouchi shot out from under the table, falling back against the kitchen cupboard. "Man, that's sick! Sick and wrong! Wrong sick!"

Yuugi clambered out from under the table to stare at Jounouchi, while Yami stood up slowly, smirking. He didn't get the opportunity to be evil much anymore, and since Yuugi had no idea why what he was saying was wrong, he could get away with it for a long while yet.

"I'm pretty sure she does," said Yami, glancing at his aibou again. "She does like Kaiba Corp. vitamins, anyway. Every time I see her in the morning, she's putting one of Kaiba's little white balls in her mouth."

"Yeah, that's true. She's always trying to get me to do it too."

"Gah!"

"Maybe you should try it one day, aibou," Yami said brightly. "You might find you like it."

"Jesus, Yami!" screeched Jounouchi. Yuugi stared at him worriedly, but he just got to his feet, fingers curled into hooks of disgust as he hurried out of the kitchen.

"Jounouch-kun? Jounouch-kun, are you okay? Where are you going?"

"Nnngn!"

Yuugi frowned, walking over to lean around the doorway, watching worriedly as Jounouchi shoved his feet into his shoes. "Jounouch-kun, I don't understand, what –?"

"Sick and wrong, dude," he whispered loudly, shuddering. "Sick and so, so wrong…"

He slammed the door behind him, and Yuugi frowned, looking back at Yami in concern. "What just happened?"

Yami just smiled, shrugging as he picked up the milk to put it back in the fridge. "I wouldn't know, aibou. But maybe next time we see him we should give him some calcium tablets."

"What? Why?"

"Kaiba Corp. Calcium CD3… see him swallow that Kaiba product…"

Yuugi continued to stare at him blankly, then rolled his eyes in resignation and went back to sitting at the table. "Whatever turns you on, the other me…"

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I blame Jay for pointing out the fact that Ryou is drinking Kaiba Corp. milk on the Battle Ship. It's always her fault.


End file.
